sinner, saved only by the most undeserved grace

so, after trying to tactfully remove my foot from my mouth, I had plenty of time to think about my insensitive sarcasm that was recently pointed out to me. Every once and a while I forget that I'm not a nice person. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty despicable. And I know all the theological reasons, being born into sin and all that. But I feel like that isn't good enough, that I should be able to rise above that. I'm a very self-driven, motivated person and the realization that this is something I've failed (and am failing) to overcome pierces the center of my self-identity. Who am I if not a nice Christian girl, full of enthusiasm and love? I'm self-centered, selfish, seeking my own, pretty much the antithesis of I Corinthians 13.

oh, this is so not a cry for reassurance, actually, I'm begging you not to reassure me or encourage me, because it would be lies. At the heart of it, you're self-centered also, even if we do a good job of covering it up.

God help us

- on 2003-04-10 at 2:21 p.m.

wilted - blooming